We Hereby Step in as Members of the Royal Family

If Harry and Meghan don’t want the job, we’ll take it.

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Photo by Debbie Fan on Unsplash
  • Piffy’s family formerly had ties to the Nazis, but mostly via each other’s Christmas card lists.
  • I’ve suffered from excessive flatulence since childhood—perhaps the papers could have a laugh by dubbing me something like “The Duke of Breaking Wind-sor.” I could even appear on chat shows and fart into a microphone to make the monarchy more relatable. Just an idea.
  • I do not have any connection to Jeffrey Epstein, however, years back at a charity benefit for underprivileged pheasants, I bumped into actor Robert Hegyes who played Juan Epstein on Welcome Back, Kotter. Perhaps something there?
  • I actively collect porcelain figurines of clowns in the nude, but I would prefer this remain a private matter.

A writer and editor living, laughing, and loving in the NYC suburbs.

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