I’m a Pineapple and I Belong on Pizza

image by author

This piece originally appeared in the Gut Bomb Humor Newsletter, a biweekly roundup of funny food writing. Subscribe at gutbombhumor.com

I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I wasn’t prepared for it to be so cruel.

All I want — all I’ve ever wanted since I was a budding bromeliad — is to be on a pizza.