Are You Horny or Is It Just Ramps Season?

It’s hard to tell…

Image by ICKH from Pixabay

If you’re experiencing any of the below feelings, it could be because you’re horny — or it could be because it’s ramps season, that short window of the year when those coveted wild leeks emerge in the woods and make a brief appearance at the grocery store. Honestly, it’s difficult to say…

• You’re bored with your usual crop of options and you want something wild.
• Your tolerance for kissing someone with garlicky breath is much higher than usual.
• You catch yourself leering at any and every slightly bulbous buried object.
• You keep “liking” obvious thirst traps of exposed stems on social media.
• You update your dating profile to say you’re interested in foraging in some bush.
• You’re sweet-talking everyone at the farmers market, looking for a discreet hookup.
• You can’t hear the words “compound butter” without biting your bottom lip.
• You’ll heat things up within a few days of meeting to keep the relationship from wilting.
• You know that if you put the time and care into preserving this spring fling for the cold winter months you’ll be investing in your own long term happiness — but you’re not above a “quick pickle” to get the job done.
• You’ll settle for tops or bottoms, but frankly you’d rather have both.